Wikipedia accepts that defining a mother is a difficult task.  Because of the complexity and differences of a mother's social, cultural, and religious definitions and roles, it is challenging to specify a universally acceptable definition for the term.  She is one that raises a child..not necessarily give birth to one.  So very true.  

I have been struggling with how much of a mother I should be.  How much should I compromise.  I have compromised a lot in my life and should I continue to do so...I don't think so.  It is difficult when I am told that I should leave him alone and not say anything to him...as I say with so much care.  May be I don't always say it in a tone that is expected...but do mothers who have given birth to a child do that.   Where does one draw the line.  There is no relief from responsibilities and duties...but have no rights.  Both legal and otherwise.  If I don't do something for him, it would be frowned upon and complained about.   He can be disrespectful to me.  He can take me for granted and he would.  But that cannot be corrected as that is his personality.  Who cares about my personality.  I tolerate only that much nonsense.  I will be lauded upon when I slap a boy on the road who disrespects a girl.  But if my own boy speaks nonsense, I cannot correct him.  Motherhood is one of the most beautiful experiences that a woman can have in her entire life but it can be stressful too..especially if you are not allowed to even figure it out on your own.  But I believe I have the power in me to do it...maybe slowly...I believe I can pray and wish for him to be a great person in this world.  I will do that and I am sure he will accept me to be his true mother.  

when do you know you are working too much !!!

I knew it today when I was trying to log into my gmail account with my office email id. And it didnt stop there, I didnt realise that I was doing that and was wondering why I was not able to log in. When I realised, I first shut out all the work I was doing and trying to multitask. I took a break and told myself that I would not work the rest of the night.
Then during the break I realised it is not too much work, but my involvement into the job that was doing this to me. So do I stop getting involved or be aware of the level of involvement.
I have deliverables tommorrow morning and whether I do any of the above, the deadlines dont extent. So here I am as I blogging, working.

I have broken my own record of blogging once a year. It is just 6 months and here I am. May be its the new year, resolutions in the air. Back to work after a vacation. It feels good to be busy, not that I was putting my feet up during the vacation. Swimming lessons kept me busy with more aches and pains. But was excited to see the excitement on Abhinav's face everytime he was able to swim. Took the fear for water out of him.
The coorg trip was great. It was a fun to be into the water once again. It was fun to see elephants, eat great home made food and go spice shopping. Would like to trek sometime and go back there to do that.

Facelessness

Facelessness is a new condition in which I am in. Joined a big IT company and after 16 years of pampering in the non-IT world, this is a big culture change. I found it funny and laughed when on the first day, I was standing in a queue for everything, to get an entry badge, to get into the on-boarding room (the first time I was on-boarded into a room and not a flight), to eat lunch. I was not sure if I had taken up something my mind would adjust to. Then met some people in the on-boarding room and thought, Not bad - I should be able to manage.

Then started the downloading of various links to get anything to everything. Laptop to visiting cards - order online or pick up the phone and get a ticket. Thank god, I understand computers, and dont mind learning to be tech-savvy, otherwise, I would have quit on day 3. And am continuing to discover new links to link to other faces who could be sitting on the other side of the cubicle. Am happy when they say, there are meetings scheduled in the board room, that means I can see and meet people. In my previous jobs, I hated meeting people as they were all disgruntled clients (most of the time). Am just a week old into this and am already craving to get into face-to-face meetings.
Whatever, at this point in time, I am happy that I dont have to order my tea online. I am happy to see the chaiwala in the pantry. I hope the facelessness will fade away in time to come or I accept to be part of this faceless community

Shadows of life

Very often we forget to look at our shadows. The shadow is a beatiful phenomenon that indicates your position and the effects of it. It tells you the kind of light you are in and how far you are from the light. the light creates the shadow and yet it is so dark. Look at the shadow as a reflection of your life. The more you are in light, the lighter your shadow is. When you are in the dark, there is no shadow. Something that follows you wherever you go, something that acts as if it is a part of you, does not follow you into the dark. Such is life, as long as you are in the limelight, everything will follow you.

Am I a tool

Ha, what an open ended question. And how much can be written. I like the freedom the question allows me
Right now, I can see myself as a tool for so many things. The way I work, the way I am with my colleagues, friends and family. Most of all, the way I am conducting my life. A device used to perform or facilitate a mechanical work - by definition. It can also be a machine, a slang would give it the meaning of drive. Being a tool is being instrumental - so for today, I am fine with that - or Am I. let me think over it and get back....